As someone who was diagnosed with anxiety, it doesn’t take much for me to worry about something enough to keep me awake at night. What the hell am I going to do after I get my associate’s degree in journalism next spring? Am I a bad writer if this blog doesn’t take off the way I want it to? What am I going to do if I fail this biology class I’m taking over the summer?
While it’s difficult to really pinpoint my anxiety sometimes, I know it’s one of the first things I need to do to overcome it, so keeping track of my thought processes are important to me. I just bought two new Knock Knock notepads, so in lieu of wasting precious paper that will hopefully last until the end of the year, here’s a list of everything I was worried about this week:
1. How can you manage to get good grades?
As a community college student who’s spending a little longer in the system than anticipated, I’ve had my fair share of school-related anxiety. I’m pretty much known for dropping classes or taking incomplete as a grade. I started a four-day biology class a few days ago, so naturally (get it? naturally?), I’d be a little nervous about trying to get through the semester considering how much I hate science. With my infrequent and sometimes random spikes of anxiety, my grades usually fluctuate with it, too. The only advice I can give myself is to study smart, study hard and give yourself a break every now and then.
2. You can’t even write that well.
Journalism majors are supposed to write well, even under deadlines. I’ve written for my school newspaper for a few semesters, and while that’s given me plenty of knowledge and hands-on experience in the field, setting up this blog and trying to mimic other digital magazines is extremely difficult. I’m realizing more and more each day how my writing voice is of a college student. Gross. But to my credit, it truly is difficult to do the whole writing slash branding thing single-handedly, especially knowing I’m a college student, so keep it up, I guess?
3. What are you freaking wearing?
I’m an avid outfit planner, so with summer rolling around, there’s a lot to be anxious about. I’m a plus petite, so buying clothes is genuinely a hit-or-miss for me, and with the clothes I already own, there’s not enough room to beat the California heatwaves. (This thought is pretty basic and minuscule. I don’t have to worry about it, since I’ll be cute no matter what, but I guess I can’t control what I get anxious over.)
4. I want a girlfriend.
I know, I know. This isn’t exactly an anxiety-ridden thought, but it definitely gave me a mini panic attack. It’s Pride Month, so the idea of having a girlfriend and showering her with love and affection is seriously a persistent one. Also, I’m kind of not over “Always Be My Maybe.” Come on, you saw Ali Wong in that film too, didn’t you?