Almost all of my bold, impulsive decisions can be traced back to one small, universal thought about wanting something new, something different. A desperate, unsatiated desire for change. And of course, when OBVIOUSLY GEMINI first launched, these circumstances were no different.
At the time, I had a vague idea of the woman I wanted to embody while managing it: A “morning” person who’d haul around a sleek, black planner in her bag as she ordered her almond mocha latte to go. She’d carry herself with unfazed confidence throughout the day, only threading her fingers through her blue, mid-length hair whenever she got anxious.
I carelessly thought this digital magazine would give me the leverage to finally become that idealized version of myself, something I had wanted for years. I promised myself that I would use this platform as an opportunity to become a better journalist and try to figure out what kind of writer I wanted to be.
Nearly two years have passed since then, and none of this has happened yet. Instead, life has continuously been beating me down like rogue waves against a cliff, months before we even found ourselves in this global pandemic. As I continue to self-isolate at home, alone with my thoughts like everyone else, I’ve realized this whole spiel on getting my life back together after “reinventing” myself will never really happen the way I want it to. Nothing that life-changing will be as spontaneous as I think, nor will it magically happen overnight.
My creative streaks, or lack thereof, directly ties in with how I view productivity: The 6:40 am coffee pick-me-ups, the ability to sit down at a desk for hours at a time and vigorously work on an assignment until it’s done. If I’m not constantly trying to maximize every waking minute of my day, there’s no point in trying to get anything done at all.
This characterization of productivity has been pushed by a culture that views us as employees, not creatives. We’re people who work against all odds, who hustle, who “rise and grind,” and the COVID-19 crisis has unknowingly placed a spotlight on how this just doesn’t work for everyone.
Anne Helen Petersen, author of Can’t Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation, a book that will be released in September, told The New York Times: “For millennials, our brains are particularly broken in terms of productivity. Either you give up or feel bad about it all the time.”
As this digital magazine re-launches and slowly morphs into what I set it out to be, I have been inspired to see life differently, as well. While I am still trying to detach myself from the definition of “perfect” that has been shaped by the working world around me, I hope to become more accepting of my personal working habits (because typing on a laptop in an oversized sweatshirt and a ball cap with a corgi embroidered on it really does have its perks).
OBVIOUSLY GEMINI will always try and bridge the gaps in me that seem impossible to cross, and as I continue to grow and find myself as a writer–my voice, my place, my purpose–I genuinely hope to see you all grow with me.
Letting go of the very things that weigh us down is an art form, a craft that comes with pre-attached anxieties and a hell lot of uncertainty. But as much as I want to talk myself out of it, being uncomfortable is the only way we can adapt to change. And change, after all, is something we air signs do well.
So hi, and welcome to the new and ever-evolving OBVIOUSLY GEMINI.